World SEX Records!...

FASTEST CLIMAX - Arguably, the shortest time is a cool zero seconds, as one in every 1,250 of us can ejaculate by simply thinking rude thoughts - i.e. without any bell-polishing whatsoever. But if you're notoriously "quick out of the trap," take heart. You're probably not as excitable as pre-adolescents. The kinsey experiments found 6.4 % of them would spill their pimply custard in less than 10 seconds.

RAPID FIRE - From our own teenage masturbatory eagerness, you'd assume adolescents rule the roost -- and indeed, the kinsey survey found several 11-year-old boys who could achieve 11 orgasms in one hour. Yet the record is held by an unnamed 28-year-old man at the Center of Marital and Sexual Studies in California. Google-eyed doctors there observed him experiencing 16-mostly-dry orgasms in the space of an hour.

HIGH SPEED TENT ERECTION - Your Boner speed is determined by many factors - not in the least fatigue, how many tequilas you've downed, you general cockular health, whether he's got a mustache, and so on. However, in 1948, kinsey researchers recorded a few remarkable individuals who could achieve a full, horsehoe-bending erection in a little as three seconds. Now that's dedication.

SMALLEST BALLS - luckily for underpant manufacturers, testicle size varies little from man to man. One scrotal authority, T.H. Van de Velde, wrote in his book IDEAL MARRIAGE that the mature testicle ranged form 2 to 2.5 cm broad and never grew longer than 5 cm long. However, victims of elephantiasis may beg to differ the disease-caused when tiny parasitic worms obstruct the lymph vessels - may find their gonads swelling to the size of bowling balls. But without the fun: The largest on record is an African whose scrotum weighed 154 lbs., and measured almost 2 feet in diameter.

LARGEST BROADSWORDS - Ignoring outrageous pub boasts - or the desperate application of a vacuum cleaner - the average cock size is generally agreed to be about 6.2 inches. Or, if you're a black, 6.3 inches. Legendary porn actor Long Dong Silver once claimed ownership of an 18-inch penis - or something later proved fraudulent by a factor of three. However, medical sources make vague references to mythical trouser-jeopardizing specimens ranging from 9.5 to 12 inches, but the largest medically verified penis was recorded by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson in 1913. It was, wrote the patently downcast medic, "a sizable 13.5 inches long and even 6.25 inches around" depressing indeed - especially when the medical norm is to measure along the top.